Happy Birthday

Dear Mom-

I miss you.

I miss your smile.

I miss your hugs.

I miss your soft voice.

I miss our talks.

I am a better person because you are my Mom.

Today you would have turned 69.

I looked up to you in so many ways.

You were a perfect example of how I want to be.

You are the kind of person that is hard to forget.

You were beautiful.

You were kind.

You were selfless.

Your smile would light up a room.

You have so many wonderful qualities, to many to name.

I love you.

Happy Birthday to my favorite person!!

Impact of things

There are moments that have such a HUGE impact in our lives.

There have been many moments for me.

When I married the most wonderful man on the beach.

When I became a Mother.

When I was sealed to my sweet husband, daughter and son.

When I received devasting news my parents were gone.

These moments have defined me, and in someways have made my life better.

I woke up today to two sleeping children next to me.

To see their smiling faces makes me happy.

Riley was so excited to give me my gift and Huntley was just along for the ride.

FAMILY is what life is all about.

Today is Mother's Day.

I miss my Mother more than I can say.

I was sad I could't call her and hear her sweet voice or better yet get one of her hugs.

My brothers and I got together as a family last night.

I have a great family and get togethers are fun.

We ate good food, had good conversations and enjoyed each others company.

My parents would have been happy to have us all together.

My Mother was my ROCK.

She was the one I could turn to about anything.

She knew how to fix any problem and always knew the right thing to say.

She was my best friend.

She always had a positive outlook on everything.

She was my HERO.

She was beautiful.

Happy Mother's Day to a Mother who taught me everything I know!

I love and miss you more everyday!

I feel

I am sick.

I miss my Mom.

I thought it was just allergies, then my eyes, throat and head started to hurt.

I took a shower until the water turned cold.



Why do Mom's know so much?

We use to call her Dr. Ruth, she had a solution to everything.

I cried today.

Sometimes life is hard, but I know this is my test.

I am not sure I am passing it right now.

Tomorrow I will do better.

Her day

The last month has been a bit of a blur...being at home during the week and traveling to the valley on the weekends to be with Robb and Kelly.  My poor kids feel like I have abandoned them because I have been in and out so much.  One of these days I know we will get back to our "new normal" routine it is just going to be a little while before that happens. She was a part of my daily life...I called her with the silliest questions but she was always there. 

Getting use to her not being there will take time.

I can't believe it has already been a month since the accident.  Somedays I still wake up thinking it was a dream and then I realize that it wasn't a dream that this is all reality.  My heart is broken...I feel a HUGE void in my life and heart for my parents, but what gives me comfort is knowing I will see them again and that they are happy and where they are suppose to be.

Today was my Mom's 67th birthday and me and my sister n laws went to lunch like we usually do when one of our birthdays come.  It was a little different at the table because well usually she just takes charge of the conversation and we all listen. 

 We were all happy that we could go and remember her. 

She wouldn't want it any other way. 

Tonight Seth and I got to go to the temple for her and

it was a beautiful experience. 

My brother sang to her on his way to work and I am sure she heard him. 

We all missed her today but we made it through.  I have seen many wonderful things happen because of this tragic accident so I guess the saying is true "sometimes BAD things happen in order for GOOD things to come to pass."

Perspective

Time....when you need it you don't have enough of it and when you don't need it you have too much of it. 

When I think of my mom I think of her as the "rock" in the family.  She is the glue that holds us together, no one can make things happen the way she does.  I heard her cry for the first time in a long time this morning.  I cried quietly right along with her as it broke my heart.  Then I thought what I would do if I didn't have her..that brought on a whole other set of tears.

We traveled to K-town this past weekend.  It was a good trip.  Riley and Huntley got to play with cousins they rarely see, swim in the pool, be with Granny and Auntie and get spoiled rotten.  It was good to be there but also sad.  We stayed at Grandad's house...Seth and I were both uneasy and didn't sleep much the night before.  He is my security blanket. Lately I have thought how time and pespective kind of go hand in hand.  It hurts to lose someone we love, whether it is a Grandparent, Mother, Father, sister or friend even though we know we will see them again it still hurts.

Times like these make me hug my kids a little longer, kiss on them a little more and just be thankful I have one more "new" day with them because you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Tough

It has been a tough few days

My mom had minor surgery on Friday, she came out of it like a rock star

She was up and walking around and we expected her to be out on Saturday, then she threw up and was given medicine for being nauseous everything went down hill from there. I came to visit her and I couldn't wake her up....

I cried, I didn't like how she looked, I didn't like how she wasn't breathing well, I just didn't like that I couldn't do anything but sit back and watch. The nurse told me it was normal, I didn't have a good feeling about it. We later found out she had an allergic reaction to the nauseous medicine, luckily when they changed nurses a nurse named Pat knew she wasn't looking the way she was suppose to so she moved her, put an IV in and put her back on oxygen, after being in a comatose state all day she came out of it at 11 pm.

She received a blessing the next day, we still didn't like what we heard from the doctor, they ran some tests and her color slowly came back throughout the day.
We got to take her home the next day, she still has no energy but I think each day she gets a little bit better...it may take a few days though.

It made me think a lot about "what if's" and all I came up with life wouldn't be the same without her..then I cried.

A wish for you

Mom:
I know you just want to skip this day and not act like it isn't your BIG day but I can't do that. You put so many people's needs before yours and so I am just want everyone to know this day is about YOU. Wishing you a great day filled with happiness, sleeping in (7:30 at least), someone takes you to lunch, makes or takes you to dinner, presents, massages, pedicures, and to top it all off you can end the day with some CAKE!! Happy Birthday Mom, I love you.

You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt, as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, and as old as your despair.

Age is just a number, you are timeless and beautiful always.